What’s the definition of music? They say that it’s a combination of all sorts of sounds and it usually contains some kind of melody or rhythm. Many people can’t start the day without a cup of coffee. For me that “cup of coffee” is music. It’s my addiction and it’s my way of experiencing the daily journey of feelings. It’s not what the heart experiences, for the heart is just an empty thing with blood inside. It’s what the mind experiences and that depends on our own attitudes. For instance; we can decide what kind of music we like and it all will differ from person to person. There is no right or wrong answer.
Four years ago I picked up the guitar for the first time and I taught myself the first three chords. It was that day when I realized for the first time how many beautiful sounds I’m surrounded with. I started to listen to music in a different way and I started to feel each sound. A few weeks after I started playing the guitar someone asked me how many hours a day I spent practising the guitar. I just showed him my fingers: it was covered with bloody blisters, because every time I practised, the blisters got cut open by the strings. That answered his question quick enough. I spent hours and hours and hours trying to be just as good as all the famous musicians. Bryan Adams sings in the song “ Summer of ‘69” the following: “I got my first real six string…and I played it till my fingers bled…” I think I can relate to those words.
All I’m trying to say is that it’s hard work to play any kind of instrument, but then again, if it’s your passion then it’s no work at all.
One thing I realized this year is that no passion can replace the love of family. At the beginning of this year my father lost his sister and his father. We as a family were devastated and I began to feel the depression eating my heart piece by piece. At first I thought that if I talked about it I would let them down, so I turned to my music. I was too scared to talk about my feelings, because I didn’t understand them myself. But the music always understood my feelings, because I could control it. I could control the type of music, the melody, the beat and I could control the words. There was just one problem. Every time I wrote or listened to music I experienced this indescribable urge to hear the words “I love you” and the more I tried to get it out of the music and didn’t hear those three words from it, the more depressed I felt. Almost like a spiral spinning deeper and deeper into the darkness. For months I didn’t talk to anyone about my feelings, because I’m an introvert and can’t talk easily about my feelings. I could hug the guitar and say, “I love you”, but it couldn’t do the same for me. The irony of this is, is that there were (and still is) lots of people who love me for who I am and who understood the way I felt. The thing is that those people can’t use those three words if they don’t know that you need them. It took me quite some time to figure that out, because I’m always afraid of what people may think of me and that I am selfish by asking them that.
So what exactly is music? Why do we experience so many feelings when we listen to it? I think it’s because it’s normal ordinary people like us who creates it. People who also have the same feelings we have. It’s a language everybody can understand. Music itself is just a bunch of feelings mixed together. For me it’s the best way to communicate with someone else and myself.
